Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
