Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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