are you still at the devil's house?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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