Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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