All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
