I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
