Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
