im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
