So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
