I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
