im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
