Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
