too bad you live with your parents still
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
