I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Actions speak louder than pants.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
