I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
