It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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