So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i drank out of a bidet.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
