You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
