Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
