i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
