ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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