well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
