I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
