i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
