stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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