DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
