I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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