Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish i was in the wii world.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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