my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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