I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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