We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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