I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
