Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dignity is for republicans.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
