you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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