she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
