I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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