Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
