I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
