I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
