just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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