yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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