if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Mom said you looked used
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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