I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
