I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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