I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
