i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
