i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize