I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
