his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
