Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
