She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
