Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
