ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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