I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
