I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
