I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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