Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
