evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
