She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
