I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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