i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
