Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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