i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize