Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
